Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Big ol' jet liner...don't carry me too far away

While prowling the internet tonight, I came across this article describing dream symbols that point to stress. Oddly enough, I don't remember any of those dreams from when I was thesis-writing. In fact, I don't remember any dreams from that time. Only that I went to bed tired, woke up tired, groaned, looked at the clock, swore a bit, and got back to work.

One of the changes I have noticed since moving into the Hollow is that my dreams have become much more vivid. Not only that, they have become much more frequent. Maybe it's the lack of stress or the dark room (how long have I waited for one of those!), but whatever it is, it's working. I've been having a lot of dreams about travelling lately. Not actually being in new places, but in getting there. Going to the airport, going through security, and walking around the terminal, going to my plane. Before I got a job, I would sometimes get so far as being on the plane, but I'd always be taken off for whatever reason. I was waiting for something. Now, I don't get on any planes, but Mom is with me. She never tells me anything important, or even says much at all, but she's there, and I feel at peace with her presence. It's nice.

In general life news, the job is going well, and I'm liking it. I have to admit it feels very strange to not be fighting for respect in my work. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. Every time I go in to discuss my ideas with one of my bosses, I mentally prepare myself for an argument, for having to defend every aspect of what I think. It seems almost anticlimatic to only hear "Those ideas are interesting, Rebecca. That's a different perspective we hadn't thought of," and be sent off to my little space to think some more. In a lot of ways, this blows my mind a bit. I feel like there should be another shoe to drop or something. Or could it be that this is God's way of finally giving me the little mental stress break I've been needing for...oh, the past 14 months? I feel like I've been fighting someone for something for so long, that I almost don't know what to do. These past two weeks have almost felt...dull. I think I could get used to it.

Does this mean that I finally have some mental and emotional space to sort myself out in without putting undue burden on myself, my family, or the government at large? If so, thanks, God, I need it!


Anonymous said...

I'm glad your mom comes to visit and you find it peaceful. She watches over her family.

Now, the indecision is gone - to leave/to stay. Your stays at the airport are simply waiting until you have the money - have gathered your resources. The path is clear. 2009 will be a wonderful year for you. (grin) 08 is ending on a bunch of good notes....

I'm sorry to have to tell you, but being the source of ideas isn't always rewarded. I'm glad you are finding acceptance for them, but proposing change almost always meets with resistance.

Assuming you are brilliant and are right half of the time (VERY high percentage), you are still proposing bad ideas half of the time and so it's right that you should be rejected half the time. And when new ways of doing things are proposed and are right, people have to accept them, which may happen quickly or may happen over time, or may simply not happen at all. Reasons may range from "too hard to change" to "too wierd" to "don't like the way it was presented" to ....

When you offer ideas, offer them gently and don't take offense if they are rejected. If it was really good it will come back around.. and you probably won't even get credit for it. But that's OK, there is another good idea tomorrow...


Goes by the name of Anna said...

You have a dark room? I'm officially jealous (mine has a great big whacking, blindingly bright skylight).

That dream article was really interesting - apparently I'm not the only person who has recurring dreams of their teeth falling out (I get this one all of the time, but I'd never before seen an interpretation of what it meant...)

Glad the new job is going well :)